Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
now i know why i became what i already was.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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