zippers are such a cool invention
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
