if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
do nipples grow back?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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