I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
