I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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