I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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