no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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