Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
