his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
