She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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