Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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