Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
