I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
