This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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