This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
