Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
