I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
