Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
