went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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