My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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