i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
