First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
