I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
