i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
