I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
