dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
