If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
