My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no, he came in my armpit
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
