mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
