You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize