I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
