May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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