butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
