I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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