3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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