ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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