He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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