I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
