9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
