i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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