Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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