how can u be prego again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
