I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
