look no pants
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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