Welp...herpes.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize