Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
