But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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