high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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