I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize