Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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