You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone came in the potted fern
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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