You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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