on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Panties = found
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
