I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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