They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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