A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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