he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
