Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who died my cat blue again?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
