im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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