glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
