just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
