how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
