At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
