And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
