you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
