woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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