dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
