No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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